I've been thinking of getting a tattoo lately. I've been playing around with designs and I like this one.
I need help deciding if I should get it with or without the black lines though, I'm not sure which looks better. (I'm leaning towards getting it without lines though)
It's the symbol for recovery from eating disorders and self-harm/depression, which I've been struggling with a lot lately, but I added some details and colors to it. While I've never actually caused any physical self harm to myself (by cutting), my constant negative thoughts about myself are definitely harmful, and hinder any attempt I make at trying to connect with a person because I'm afraid they'll reject me in the end, which only leads to them rejecting me anyway because I can't open up to them.
The more often this happens, the worse it gets, and the more I'm convinced there's something wrong with me.
Depression and anxiety are a big problem in my life, especially over the past few months, and that will occasionally lead to me either binge eating or starving myself (which also counts as self harm, I think), and always leads to convincing myself that there's something wrong with me and that I'm unloveable - that I'll end up dying alone because I'm not confident enough to share the more intimate parts of myself with someone I can build a meaningful relationship with. I've come to hate the parts of myself that make me, me. I keep thinking if I were only more confident, less introverted, skinnier/more attractive, etc, life would be better and maybe people would have an easier time accepting me or getting to know me for who I am rather than my insecurities.
I want to get a tattoo like this to remind me to love and accept myself, and that I don't need other people's acceptance to feel good about myself. I'll likely just get a small one on my wrist, so I can easily look at it whenever I feel beaten down, to remind myself that the feelings are only temporary and things will get better, and that my insecurities and depression don't make me who I am. I can beat them.
